I'm there in the rain

I walked in the rain yesterday.  The wet smells of fall were amazingly crisp- the grass, the fallen leaves, the rain on the streets.  I walked down the alley ways for a different view.  From the alley you can see how people really live.  The front is all trimmed and mowed, flowers and such.  The back is where you see the junk.  The things laying up against people's garages.  Old furniture.  Boats, campers, trampolines.  The firewood, the bikes, the picnic tables and lawn chairs.  I get to wondering if they ever sit out there or if they don't find the time.  Some have swing sets for the kids.  Some sand boxes have weeds, some clothes lines are saggy with lots of use.  You can practically see the people and imagine the children playing.  Almost smell the fires from the fire pits rising up- but it is raining and everyone is in the house.  I am alone, left to imagine the possibilities, the way I like it.  The less people I see the more I relax.  People might ruin the fantasy of what I have imagined, might shatter the dream of who they are in my mind.


These houses are much like many in America.  Put into small city blocks in a small town.  I imagine what it was like before TV.  Before telephone and radio.  People had to actually talk to each other to find companionship.  It probably seemed like camping.  I can nearly feel the ghosts of what once were, I imagine first the fifties. little girls in white little dresses throwing balls, then the forties with those cars that had ah-oo-gah horns and the boys in those news boy hats.  The twenties with the dirt roads muddy in this rain and farther back yet.  The horses on the streets, and the smells of all the fires in the stoves making three squares a day.  The gossip and the talks on the porches of those ladies in ankle length dresses (how was that practical for cleaning?).   Now we live in their houses.  Wonder what that is like for them, or if they even bothered to notice? 

A Few Movie themes that give me goosebumps

Last of the Mohicans
http://youtu.be/ygNuRpwZqRU

The Piano
http://youtu.be/hdWLwRexMRA
Dances with Wolves
http://youtu.be/KHvKviaeulg
Tombstone
http://youtu.be/e6wwMCZhIV0
Man in the Iron Mask 
http://youtu.be/RBfvCN47XyQ
Pride and Prejudice
http://youtu.be/co1-GiL-pJA
The Secret of Roan Inish
http://youtu.be/4m2TEs6yZvY
Pirates of the Carribean
http://youtu.be/4LZcMv0H1bI

One has to appreciate what these soundtracks bring to these movies.

"Do not go gentle into that good night!" D.T.

Sometimes I ponder life.  I suppose my life hasn't been the worst thus far, nor has it been the easiest.  I have learned some hard lessons and lost some people I love, some to death, and some in other ways.  I have scraped together an existance with it's highs and lows, laughed cried and everything in between.  Made many mistakes and had many triumphs.  What is it all about?


Although contemplating the meaning of life might be nice, I think this is more meant to be a call to those of us approaching a certain age, that age when we are done caring who or what is popular, done worrying what brand of clothes we have in the closet, done wondering what we should rebel against next.  We are slightly shell shocked and we realize that this isn't a test run or a game.  This is the real thing!  This is LIFE.  Yep, that's what it is, and with new clarity- as we enter this certain age (which is different for everyone) I would like to think we realize more of what it's all about..   


There have been more than one time I have wondered "what did I get my kids into by having them?  Because of my selfishness in being desperate for joy I have brought them here destined to suffer."  Yes, they will also have joy, but everyone has pain, right?  Then the answer came to me.  It came in a soft feeling, the kind of sensation where I was sure God was speaking to me (not using words) and then the "knowledge" he gave me came.  He "said" stop worrying about it.  If I hadn't had them, someone else would have- because God created them, he wanted them to exist and he allowed me to be their mother because he hoped I would do a good job.  Me being a confessed control freak, this was hard for me to accept that perhaps it wasn't all under my control.  But now, now I understood.


Parenting has taught me more than anything about the meaning of life.  Here is the helpless being dropped in my lap.  There is so much care needed, so many choices to be made, each one shaping who this person becomes.  They are dependent on me for their very survival!  I'd do anything for these little people.  But I realize that EVERYONE is someone's baby.  Don't we all deserve to be treated this way?  Don't we all have this much value?  It hits me....(huge moment) Shouldn't we be taking care of each other? *Gasp* That is it, isn't it?  Of course I was told that in Sunday school, but I had to grow up and actually learn it for myself.  I had to understand the whys.


So here we are, all grown up and realizing that the meaning of life is to help each other.  Help every one of us survive the best we can with caring and comfort, dignity and love- mostly love.  If we can find it in our hearts to love, then we can make a difference.  So how, some say, can I love people I don't even know?  Pray about it, that's what I do.  Pray to love these people, although some are annoying and many are ignorant, pray for patience first,  and then love. 


  How can you make a difference, really actually make a difference in our world?  I'm not sure, but here is what I am doing..  I am starting at home.  If I raise my children to be conscious of what is going on around them, to be empathetic with people, to be active in standing up for what they believe in- if I could do nothing more than this, then I have done more than most.


I sign petitions.  It costs me nothing but gives backing to those people out there who are actually doing something tangible, and they need help because it takes real courage to stand up for something you believe in.  It takes time away from loved ones and lots of energy.  Lets help these folks out by patting them on the back and telling them your behind them, strengthen their spirit!


Donate things.  Donate used clothing or items to charity.  If you have lots of money, great, donate money to your favorite cause.  If you don't, don't lose heart. In this materialistic world we sometimes forget there is more to us than money.  Donate time.  Time is invaluable.  It is free yet is the biggest commitment.  We are essentially donating pieces of our lives.  Serve supper at a soup kitchen, ring the Salvation Army bell, volunteer at the hospital.  (Yep, all cliche but still important.) Now, on a smaller scale, help your sister out with her kids if she is having a bad day.  Make supper for a sick neighbor.  Talk an online friend through a hard moment.  Try to be inspiration to someone feeling blah.  Minister to someones spirit.  Teach someone something.  Show someone compassion.  Keep the elderly company.  Hold a hand.  Make a blanket for a homeless guy.  These are all important ways we can help and if everyone did it, we would all have a higher quality of life.


Keep on top of things happening in the world.  I know it's hard, especially with kids, but we need to be aware of what is going on.  WE are our countries checks and balances.  VOTE!


Pray for guidance.  This is probably the most important.  Pray to be in the right place at the right time to do good for someone when they need the most.


I'm no saint.  I try and sometimes I fail, but the good is in the trying.


If more and more of us come to the realization about the meaning of life,  the big secret that we need to Love each other, the world will get softer and gentler.  If it doesn't happen, we just reach farther, try harder, love more.  .  "

Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

 Dylan Thomas.

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15377

   


  

Ponderations (Is that a word? If not it should be.)

There are questions that trouble my mind now and then. Here are a few off the top of my head:

1. Why does my obese dog feel the need to tank up the stairs to eat the cat food? Isn't it just easier to eat her own food downstairs? She knows she's not supposed to be upstairs period, she know's I'm gonna be mad. I mean, geez.

2. Why do flies buzz my face? Does my head have a gravitational pull or are they just suicidal?

3. Why do people call when my baby is sleeping, we are eating, I'm in the bathroom or we are trying to have sex? It never fails. They never call any other time. (Is someone tipping them off?) Usually they call while the baby is sleeping AND I'm in the bathroom, or another combination of the aforementioned variants.

4. I had a recipe for pulled pork. It called for tomato juice, Worcestershire sauce, and onions. I used a jar of salsa, some soy sauce and onion powder. Is this an issue?

5. Why can't my sons control the "stream"? I've asked. There has been polite descriptions and finally a demonstration (thanks honey) but still, pee where no pee should be. What is it going to take? I wave the white flag.

6. How long was that booger stuck to my chest? It had to be awhile. It was long enough to get crusty and hard and to be solidified to my skin, but how long had I been wearing it like a brooch? (maybe I don't want to know this one..) (PS, I love being a mother in cold and flu season)

Only God Nose

God is great and all knowing, but not sure what he had in mind when he gave me my nose. I smell everything. It's not just when I'm pregnant either (some women experience heightened smell during pregnancy.) For me, it's all the time. I usually walk in the front door and the first thing out of my mouth is "what is that smell?" Our home was built in 1884 and we live in the muggy mid-west so our house smells old. It smells like basement and attic all mixed into one. *Ew*

Last year we had a squirrel chew it's way into our home, eat our poison, and then die up in our wall. (The nerve of him, right?) The smell was awful! Putrid! We had to cram newspapers in all the air ducts and burn candles non-stop.. we went so far as to throw a billion moth balls in the crawl space making the whole house smell like my granny's panties. That was a long 3 months for me. My tongue got sore from the constant apologizing and explaining what happened to every person who stopped by. At least I lost weight because the smell was so horrible I couldn't stomach anything.

The madness continues in public.

Yesterday we went to our Chiropractor's office, it was a gray wet day outside. We came in the door and I instantly smelled a nasty smell. I am trying to be quiet and polite while still maintaining this conversation with my husband:

I say "What is that smell?"

He says "What?"

I say "It smells musty."

He says "Huh?"

I say slightly louder "IT SMELLS MUSTY"

and he says "I smell?"

and I say "no, it smells MUST-Y"

He says "I smell like butt stink?"

I just stop and stare at him. How is this guy allowed to leave the house without a smelling nose dog, or a hearing ear dog? Seems unfair that he can't smell anything or hear anything while I sit here with all the senses he doesn't have. But alas, that is for God to figure out, not me. Maybe I'll be able to sniff out and snuff out the next great fire in Chicago?

So actually, I do stop to smell the roses (it's a nice break from stink that insists on following me.)

"what does an 80 year old dead guy have on me?"

It's no secret that I heart the fab four. The Beatles have held a special place in my heart since I listened to my Mom's old Beatle records on rainy afternoons while everyone else was Wang Chunging. Each of them are so talented, especially John Lennon who' songs have touched me deeply. Who hasn't whiled away an hour or two (a day) (okay a week) fantasizing about having John Lennon's love child? I'm the first to admit it, but alas, I'm no Yoko Ono and this isn't 1968 so get on with it, right?

So I grew up and had 5 children. By the time I came to name my fourth I thought "this is really getting challenging."  Even if there is a name I thought I could holler off my front porch every night for 18+ years without getting sick to my stomach, there certainly isn't 5. Then your 5th is born. I am starting to think "I can be a little self indulgent while naming this one" so I tell my husband I want to name this baby after John. I gently push the issue asking for an answer every couple months.  Tick tock  Month 5, hubby is silent.  Month 6, he grunts.   Month 8, he's desperate to come up with something better.  By month nine he reluctantly gives in. Yay me! I get my way!

Now the influx from family and friends of baby Beatle gear. Beatle lullabies, Beatle clothing, Beatle Jewelry, Beatle books. It's like people finally realize for the first time that I have a deep undying love for the Beatles (and I'm loving every minute of it!) Hubby is a great sport, he puts up with the songs, the cards, the name inquiries and the "as in John?" comments every time.. I try to play it cool, for his sake and point out what a special middle name (that he picked out) that the baby has..

Then the other night- the straw that broke the camels back: The baby looks up at my life size John Lennon wallpaper on my computer and says "Da Da." OMG! Laughing (but still secretly fantasizing!) Hubby says nothing but I can see a look, a sad and serious look on his face. I could sense this wouldn't go over well. I actually feel sorry for him, poor guy.  First I get to feel the baby kick, then I get to name him, then I get to breastfeed, then the baby wants me not him, then the baby says mama first.. NOW THIS? I knew this wouldn't be going over well (the poor guy feels left out!)... but he says nothing. I let it go.

Life goes on and a few days passed. When I think it has all blown over and the irk has washed away with time (I myself still thinking it's adorable)  I say "That was funny the other day when baby called John Lennon daddy"  he stops and he looks at me. "that hurts." (serious sad look on his face.) "I'm his daddy, not some 80 year old dead guy." How did I know this was coming? If he ever once in the last six months regretted okaying the name, this would have been it. He looks so sad, yet why do I still feel like laughing? Of course I didn't. (I'm in love with him after all, not John Lennon.)

Men, they are more sensitive than we think. They want to be the first in our lives and their baby's lives,  and you've got to love them- even if their singing voice is less than soothing, and even if they can't write a sophisticated facebook status much less an Emmy winning song. We have to give them their due ..

So three cheers for my good sport!  My patient patient hubby and little Lennon Yeats :)

 So, would I take back the name? Nope.. but I'll make it worth his while.. some how ;) Just not tonight, I still have a headache.