Death by Utility

     Sometimes you just have to laugh it off.  This is one of those cases, but it's okay to laugh it off with flare :D

   I can not begin to explain the pain and suffering the phone company has brought down upon this house.  My husband has spent more time on the phone with them in the past 2 days then he has with me in the past 2 years.  They have had him yelling, near crying, maniacally laughing and in a near coma several times.  He has talked personally with each and every department  employee in several countries world wide (I think he learned a new language?!)  He has begged, threatened and bartered-  still, the service is horrible.  They have messed up our bill at least twice a month (how does that even happen?)  They have made promises to come fix wires, then forget to put the order in for days in a row, and never show up.   Reception is spotty at best (when there was any at all) and their lack of coordination reflects their lack of commitment to their company.  I shouldn't tell you who it is, but I can say that A company should be Trustworthy & Technically sound, not annoyingly unorganized.

    That being said, what can I do with the negative feelings I have stored up about said company?...  I can fantasize about revenge!   My mind is a place that I can entertain scenarios where my bad feelings have an outlet in order to  heal (but just for the record, these are just FANTASIES, they are in my mind, just for me!...................... oh, and apparently you.)

* May every load of whites that each employee washes will have a red shirt in it.  May all of their underwear be forever pink, and not that cute kind of pink.

*May there be slugs enough for each of them in the Waldorf salad at the next company picnic.

*May there always be toilet paper stuck to their shoe.

*May their tires  slowly lose air.

*May their pendulum clocks always squeak.

*May their children always whine about wanting candy.

*May their paycheck always be late.

*May they get ants.

*May they always have a wild hair sticking out of their nose, no matter how much they trim, tuck or pluck.

* May their fridge always be too cold, their freezer too warm.

*May a neighborhood dog  take a dump on each and every one of their lawns every morning, and may the dead spot on their grass spell out "crappy service."

*Whenever they need a penny at the gas station, may the "take a penny leave a penny" jar be empty.

and finally:

*May their sexual service to their spouses not exceed the Internet service that they provided to me.  May the same goes for their deodorant.

Now, do I feel better?  Maybe a little.  I am no longer angry and had a little laugh.  It's my own personal therapy, and in general is harmless.  In all honestly, I don't harbor any ill will to any of them personally,  and I wish them happiness and joy forever after...but a big "no thank you" to working with them in the future.  A person can only be expected to handle so much!

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